Cause and effect in apology
2003年10月11日 ●Boston●日常徒然Verizon-online (phone/internet company) let me cancel DSL service without termination free， as far as I terminated it within this week， Therefore， I did exempting $100 termination fee， though I am planning to move to a new apartment on Nov. 1st. Now I am in English-only situation in web... Maybe， it lasts up to the first week of November.
---cause and effect in apology
We argued for a lease length.
In her opinion， it is usual to change the content of contract between roommates or even between a roommate and a landload. So she cannot feel guilty to shorten 1 year contact to 6 months contract， and then 6 months contract to 2 months contract.
And she asked me to get agreement to shorten our lease period without any consideration for me/my surroundings， looking only at her private issues. That was the main cause of my frastration， but she has never been aware of it， by misunderstanding that my concern would be the length of lease， though it was， but not main. She is a escapist to make things clear， as she said:
"I can criticize you， but I don’t wanna do it."
She might be afraid of my response that would be logical and convincing. She is escaping from making sure of the fact， and assuming that she is right， without any questions.
I would like her to listen to my opinion and to get the idea how I felt and why I showed my frastration. (I felt she got upset， before I did. But she told I was the first， which was a stupid discussion.)
There was a chance in which all three (she， her boyfriend， and I) had talk together. But she opened her mouth histerically， and dashed into her room after complaining my maybe too stoic attitude.
I could be sure that I could not tell anything to ber， regardless whether I was right or wrong. She firmly believes that it is usual to change the content of contract， and that she is right.
Finally， I apologized to her.
That was quite ridiculous to do， I felt actually. Everything was gone. Once I stepped back， everything tense between us and within each of us was cleaned. Additionally， but unnecessarily anymore， she apologized arkwardly， which was too late.
My message is the following.
If you feel that you don’t have to apologize but that you should be apologized， the best way is to apologize. One word of apology can save anything including the situation and feelings you have， and then you can forgive anything. It is better to do it before getting any loss...
And if one who doesn’t have to apologize does， other person must feel guilty of not apologizing.
---
I feel happy to leave the room and her in this month. Moving might be during dates I have to prepare for mid-term exams.
---cause and effect in apology
We argued for a lease length.
In her opinion， it is usual to change the content of contract between roommates or even between a roommate and a landload. So she cannot feel guilty to shorten 1 year contact to 6 months contract， and then 6 months contract to 2 months contract.
And she asked me to get agreement to shorten our lease period without any consideration for me/my surroundings， looking only at her private issues. That was the main cause of my frastration， but she has never been aware of it， by misunderstanding that my concern would be the length of lease， though it was， but not main. She is a escapist to make things clear， as she said:
"I can criticize you， but I don’t wanna do it."
She might be afraid of my response that would be logical and convincing. She is escaping from making sure of the fact， and assuming that she is right， without any questions.
I would like her to listen to my opinion and to get the idea how I felt and why I showed my frastration. (I felt she got upset， before I did. But she told I was the first， which was a stupid discussion.)
There was a chance in which all three (she， her boyfriend， and I) had talk together. But she opened her mouth histerically， and dashed into her room after complaining my maybe too stoic attitude.
I could be sure that I could not tell anything to ber， regardless whether I was right or wrong. She firmly believes that it is usual to change the content of contract， and that she is right.
Finally， I apologized to her.
That was quite ridiculous to do， I felt actually. Everything was gone. Once I stepped back， everything tense between us and within each of us was cleaned. Additionally， but unnecessarily anymore， she apologized arkwardly， which was too late.
My message is the following.
If you feel that you don’t have to apologize but that you should be apologized， the best way is to apologize. One word of apology can save anything including the situation and feelings you have， and then you can forgive anything. It is better to do it before getting any loss...
And if one who doesn’t have to apologize does， other person must feel guilty of not apologizing.
---
I feel happy to leave the room and her in this month. Moving might be during dates I have to prepare for mid-term exams.
コメント